With the new year upon us, how can we best position ourselves for dating and marriage?

2025 is coming to an end and another year is upon us.  Each year seems to go by faster than the last.  The end of the year is a great time to look back and ask some questions.  Similarly to progress reports we received in school, each December in life should be a sort of progress report for our lives.  How have we done in the last year?  What did we do well?  What successes did we see?  Also, what did we not do well?  What areas did we procrastinate, neglect, and fail to give the proper energy and time to?  What are the lingering issues in our lives that we keep struggling with, year after year?  Are we any more faithful a follower of Christ, lover of God, and brother/sister to those in Christ this year compared to last year?

How has your life changed in the last year?  Is the December 2025 version of you much different from the December 2024 version of you?  And given your approach towards growth and discipline, should you expect your December 2026 version of you to be much different from the December 2025 version of you?  Or will you look back in December 2026 and wonder how the year went by so quickly yet you feel like you have accomplished little in the area of personal growth?

If we are honest with ourselves, life often gets stagnant.  When we look back in December, we often feel there is not much change in who we are from year to year.  We struggle with the same bad habits, unaccomplished goals, and even the same lingering sin issues that plague us.  And because we see little change in our lives, we feel hopeless and discouraged.  This leads to even less effort in changing our situation because we accept that things will not change.

The Law of Entropy, also known as the Second Law of Thermodynamics, states that disorder always increases over time.  Everything naturally moves from order to chaos.  This move from order to chaos is the natural progression for everything.  What creates and maintains order is energy. 

In the same way, growth in life requires energy.  This energy is in the form of intentionality, discipline, focus, and consistency in action.  Whether it’s financial, professional, physical (weight loss, etc.), spiritual goals, or relational goals like marriage; they all require this energy.  Progress in any area of life never happens naturally; it requires your energy. And the lack of energy means things stay the same, at best, or things deteriorate into chaos, at worst.

The reason why the 2025 version of us is not much different than the 2024 version of us is not primarily because of ignorance of what to do but inattention, forgetfulness, and indifference towards what to do.  We are not focused and we are not disciplined to put the work in for the change we want. 

Don’t Be Hearers Only

In the book of James, we get insight on why some people change in life and why others stagnate. The explanation is very obvious and when we understand it, we unlock the key to growth.

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.”

James 1:22-25

James puts each of us in two categories.  There are hearers and doers.  Hearers hear the big idea, what the problem is, and what they need to do but that’s it; they just hear.  James likens them to a person looking in a mirror, sees what’s wrong with themself, and walks away.  The entire purpose of a mirror is for us to see ourselves and to pick out that piece of spinach in our teeth, wipe away that smudge on our face, or fix the pesky strands of hair on our head sticking out.  A person who looks at a mirror and doesn’t do anything about what they see, might as well as not even look in the mirror to begin with. 

But this casual glance of ourselves in the mirror which does not lead to action and change is how we often live our lives, year after year.  We hear messages at church and are cut to the heart. Our parents and siblings point out our flaws for as long as we can remember. The Holy Spirit nudges us convicting our hearts. But we stop it there. We take no efforts towards dealing with what we see in the mirror. We put the mirror away and wonder why we see not change in life.

Be A Doer

But the doer is the other category.  Doers do everything the hearer does but more.  When they look in the mirror and see what they need to do, they do it.  And this lifestyle of doing is what catapults their lives. This approach drastically changes a life from year-to-year because this person is living day-by-day striving to be intentional, disciplined, focused, and consistent in tackling the issues that they see in that mirror. 

Many singles complain about how hard it is to find a spouse.  There are certainly factors out of our control.  However, for those factors that are within our control, are we putting energy into these areas to address them?  Or are we neglecting problem areas in our lives that are hindering us from getting married now and are preventing us from a great marriage when we get married? 

Before the year ends, take an inventory of yourself.  Ask yourself:

1. What are the spiritual areas of my life that are the weakest?  What do I need to do to grow in these areas?  Do I lack basic knowledge of the truth to help guide me in life?  Is prayer a chore? Do I need to read and study the Bible more?  Do I need to develop real Christian fellowship and not just be a Sunday church goer?  Am I focused on attending church and not growing in a real relationship with God?
2. What are the sin areas of my life that keep lingering?  Is it a prideful spirit?  Greed and envy?  A constant spirit of comparison that keeps me despondent for what I don’t have rather than a spirit of contentment in what I do have?  Is it a lack of trust in God’s provisions and care for your life?  Is there ongoing bondage with sexual sin?
3. If I was dating me, what would be the biggest yellow or red flags I would have for me?  Am I too opinionated without a measure of grace?  Am I too shy that I am not able to carry on a natural conversation when I’m on a date?  Am I making enough effort in going out there and meeting other single Christians?
4. Do I spend my time wisely, or do I doom scroll on my phone every waking moment?  Am I taking care of my body by eating well, caring for it, and exercising?  Or am I letting my body go from order to disorder?    

A word of caution is needed in order to avoid giving the wrong idea of how a doer does. We are not talking about a pick yourself up from your boot straps, fleshly driven, self-focused doing that is espoused by today’s self-help Youtube gurus. Doing in Christ is not through the old way of self improvement but a Spirit-led and God-centered leaning on the new way of living through the “law of liberty.” This is a way that focuses on living by God’s law as a result of grace transforming our inner man.

Being a Doer to be the Best Spouse

Marriage is not completely in our hands.  So, in a certain respect, marriage is out of our control.  But who we are, who we attract, and also how well that future marriage turns out is largely determined by our efforts now.  Are we doers or just hearers when it comes to us growing into the person that we want to be when we say “I do.”  This growth doesn’t happen overnight.  No one prepares for marriage the night before they step up to the altar.  Your efforts, or lack of efforts in your life, will determine your marriage prospects in 2026 and also the health and success of your marriage when you get married.  The time to work on yourself for marriage started years and years ago; we would argue it began from your earliest childhood days.  But for many of us, we have lived under the false assumption that marriage will eventually happen if we go on enough dates.  And we hav ebelieved that marriage will work itself out when we need to batten down the hatches and work on marriage. The reality is that singles who are not ready for dating and who are overwhelmed by the challenges of marriage were not ready due to neglect occurring years and decades before.

So, for 2026, don’t let it be another wasted year.  Let it be a year where you strive to be a doer, focusing your energy on addressing areas of your life that need dealing with.  Don’t approach the dating journey half-heartedly thinking that you’ll eventually get married given enough time and enough chances.  No, your marriage prospects can be changed.  In fact, for many of us our lack of initiative in being doers in 2024 and before is what led to the state of our marriage prospects in 2025.  And unless you approach 2026 differently, you’ll probably have the same results come December 2026, when you are sitting around wondering how the year passed you by so quickly and how things in your life look exactly the same.